


Fall For Me (Again)

by apieformydean



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Youtube RPF
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Amazingphil - Freeform, Attempt at Humor, Birthday Wish, Bullying, Existential Crisis, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hand Jobs, Homophobic Language, Jocks and Nerds, KickThePj - Freeform, KickTheStickz - Freeform, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Time Travel, YouTube, catrific - Freeform, crabstickz - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5149679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apieformydean/pseuds/apieformydean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've never believed in magic. Can you blame me? My parents died when I was three years old and since my grandma passed away when I was sixteen, my only family has been my boyfriend, Phil.<br/>I was ready to give anything to get my parents back.<br/>But did I really think it through?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The annual pre-birthday blues

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so this is an idea which has been bothering me for months now so i finally decided to write it! I have no idea how long it'll be, but i know vaguely where the story will go  
> Enjoy, lovelies :3

"Dan, are you with me?" Phil asks and I come back to my senses. I look around. We're sitting in the school canteen. There are other kids around us in the small room, eating, chatting, and just being annoying in general. London is grey on the other side of the small, dirty window on my right. I like how the weather of June just doesn’t give a shit that it’s supposed to be bright.

I can see Phil, sitting across from me on the other side of the small, ugly, turquoise plastic table. There’s an untouched apple and a sandwich in front of him. I haven’t eaten my pie either. He is watching me with a confused expression. I have no idea how long I’ve been spacing out but I know he was talking to me before it happened.

"Sorry, babe, I'm just thinking," I tell him, taking his hand which is lying on the table. I smile at him apologetically and hope he won't ask.

"It's okay, I won't ask," he nods but I see his concern in his bright marine eyes. "You just seemed to be so... sad, for a moment," he tries carefully. "Should I be worried?"

"It's really nothing," I shrug. I massage the back of his hand with my thumb in a way I know he loves. "Just the annual pre-birthday blues."

“Oh," his eyes drop on our hands. His hair falls in his eyes and we're silent for a moment. I keep my eyes on him.

Even though we have known each other for four years now, I still get surprised sometimes, when I realize how beautiful he is. He hates it when I say it out loud, so I don't. He can't see why I find him special, and I don't understand how he doesn't know it himself.

"Hey, bitches, what's up?" Chris throws himself down at the third chair, to my left. He catches a glance of my pie, and at the speed of light, takes it away. He bites into it and hums approvingly. I know without turning to my right that PJ is there, too. He takes a seat, much quieter than his best friend.

"Nothing interesting, we were talking about this Saturday," I tell them, which is practically not a lie. Phil still doesn’t say anything.

"Oh, yes, our princess Daniel will be eighteen in four days finally!" Peej grins at me and I just shake my head. I don’t get it why being eighteen is such a big deal.

“It’s just another birthday, okay?” I tell them but they don’t seem convinced.

“I have the best birthday gift for you!” Chris exclaims enthusiastically. “Well, almost the best,” he glances at Phil. “I’m sure Philly has something more special for you,” he says and winks at my boyfriend. Phil’s cheeks go a bit pink and I just smile. He’s adorable.

“Why can’t you two focus on your own love life?” he asks the other two. “Oh, wait, yes, because you don’t have one.”

“Ah, rude!” PJ acts annoyed.

I just shake my head and laugh.

Chris and Peej have been dancing around each other for years. I think they crush since Phil and I have introduced them to each other, which makes it three and a half years. PJ claimed to be straight at the time, but Chris came out to us as bi and acted as if he was stunned by Peej from the start. Not like the curly-haired boy ever told him to stop.

“Guys, really, I don’t want anything for my birthday,” I tell them. “And it’s not just the ‘I’m being polite so say I don’t want anything’. I mean it.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s your _eighteenth birthday,_ ” Chris raises his eyebrows. He’s talking with his mouth full and I fight the urge to tell him it’s disgusting. “We may not be able to buy you a car or an own flat but sure as hell we’ll do something big. Like a non-surprise party.”

That’s exactly what I don’t want them to do.

Until two years before, I was living with my grandmother. She was the sweetest and the loveliest old lady on Earth. We were living in a small flat, but I can’t say she didn’t give me everything. She used to make me a cake for my birthdays and bought something small with the little money she had.

When she passed away, I was miserable. I still miss her every day, because, honestly, she was the only form of a parent I’ve ever known. I feel like having a big party now would seem like I’m ungrateful for what she was able to give me. I can’t do it to her memory.

“No,” Phil talks quietly, squeezing my hand just a little bit, giving me a small smile. “If Dan doesn’t want a big party, we won’t make a big party.”

“You two are just awful killjoys,” PJ pouts but I don’t care. I lean over the table and give Phil a small peck on the lips. That’s why I love him. He understands my thoughts even when I don’t state them out loud.

Suddenly, the sound of broken glass fills the small canteen and Phil jumps a bit. I pull away and look around, searching for the source of the sound. I can see a girl lying on the floor, between the tables of laughing people. A plastic tray and the remains of a plate lay scattered on the floor, along with the spaghetti that it used to contain. When she sits up, I see her blouse covered in tomato sauce.

I vaguely know the girl. Her name is Cat, if I’m right. She has glasses with a thick black frame and her hair is silver at the moment, but I remember it has been a lot of other colours. She’s rather nice, and seems to have an interesting personality.

The jocks don’t care about that part, apparently.

“Oh, I couldn’t see you there, I’m _so sorry,"_  the head of the jocks, Joey says with a pout and pulls his leg back from where it was put out in front of Cat. His blond quiff is perfect as always and his lips pull into a mocking lopsided smile. His minions laugh even louder and I just cringe. I want to help Cat, I really do, but I know better than to go against Joey.

Alfie and Zoe – power couple of the school – are sitting at his table, and at the other, there’re Miranda and Jenna – mean and vicious –, and Joe Sugg and Caspar – annoyingly clever pranksters. Connor Franta and Troye – still in the court but in the lowest positions – are at a third table, both laughing at the poor girl. Shane – muscleman, best friend of the captain – is sitting next to Joey, and I’m sure nobody else sees it, but I realise they’re just a bit too close. Those two are really suspicious to me, but I must be only imagining it. Because, looking at it rationally, the head of the football team can’t be queer, can he?

Joey’s eyes wander over me, and I keep his gaze. His green eyes shine with glee from what he has done and I hate to see him like that. His expression changes, however, and I can see he thinks about the same thing as I do.

I’ve been a nerd pretty much my whole life and being a nerd at St. Gabriel’s High School is like the worst thing you can be. Wait, no, the worst thing is queer. The jocks hate nerds because some years ago the tech lab got a bigger amount of money for new stuff than the sport club and they vowed to make the nerds’ life a nightmare. We never got to know why they hate LGBTQ kids, though. Maybe because that’s what all good jocks do.

And despite being a bi nerd, I’ve never been picked on by Joey Graceffa or anyone on his squad.

We have been friends when we were younger, he lived next door, and, apparently, my grandma liked him as if he was her own grandson. He used to spend whole afternoons at our flat, when his mother got drunk and abused him. Granny has always let him stay. He was my only friend and I was his.

Fast forward to high school, he got in the football team, and he changed. He started going to parties, started drinking, too, and made new friends. I was very lucky to meet Phil, Chris and PJ, because without them I wouldn’t have had anybody left.

When Joey became the head of the football team, he also turned into the no.1 dickhead of the school. Every nerd tries to avoid his people because they mean torture and humiliation. My friends and I don’t have to be afraid, because, apparently, Joey seems to have some human feelings left in him.

We’re safe until we don’t do anything stupid.

“We need to help her,” Phil stands up and before I can stop him, walks to Cat. It's like the definition of _anything stupid_.

“Phil, wait, don’t!” I yell after him and stand up, but it’s too late. He takes the girl’s hand and helps her up. She’s smiling at him gratefully and pushes her glasses up on her nose.

“What the fuck, Lester?” Shane stands up and steps in front of Phil. My boyfriend is some centimetres taller but Shane is bigger and more aggressive. Phil couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt anybody. That’s why he’ll get smashed by Shane, I know it for sure. When I realise what I’m doing, I’m already standing between them, facing the blond jock.

“Leave him alone,” I tell him and I have no idea where I got the courage from. I feel the eyes of everybody in the silent canteen on me. A nerd standing up to the football team is not something you witness every day.

“Oh, Danyul, coming to the rescue for his little boyfriend,” Shane smiles at me in a disgustingly sarcastic way. “How sad he chose the pussy over you.”

“Shut up, Dawson,” I tell him but my voice cracks and it sounds as if I’m borderline crying. I really hate I'm an angry crier.

“Aww, I’m sorry to hurt your feelings, sweetie,” he pouts. “I’d tell you to run to Mommy but we all know you don’t have one-“

“Stop,” Joey’s tone is calm but strict as he cuts Dawson off. Shane is still looking at me in the eye but shuts his mouth. He’s not finished with me and I see his fist clench at his side. Phil’s hand is in mine. He wouldn’t let me punch back. Shane really wants to hit me, that’s obvious, but when Joey forbids him, he won’t act against it. He steps back, keeping his eyes on me. I don’t look away either. I won’t let him frighten me. Not when it comes to Phil.

Joey’s squad starts whispering, just like the rest of the canteen. I look at Graceffa and he’s glancing at me with an unreadable expression. Then, he just stands up and walks out. His minions follow him loyally, and with that, the whole canteen explodes.

People start talking over each other and I know we’ll be the topic for the next week. I release my breath I wasn't aware of holding, eventually, because I wouldn’t have guessed that all of us will be unharmed after this incident. I sit down at our table and Chris and PJ are watching me with amazed expressions. Phil brings Cat to our table. She’s shy but smiles at me.

“Thank you,” she says with a blush as Phil hands her a paper towel to clean herself. She takes off her glasses and sits down on the chair PJ pulls to the table for her. “And you, too, Dan, because wow, I’d have never guessed anyone would actually ever tell Shane Dawson to shut up.”

“You know my name,” I state, but after a glance from Phil I clear my throat. “I mean, you’re welcome.”

I really wouldn't have guessed it myself. I was usually very good at running from the jocks and hiding, but not facing them. However, it was Phil who was in danger, and I couldn't just sit and watch.

As the guys keep asking Cat about herself, turns out she knows us all. I don't know if we have any classes together, and I feel bad about not knowing. The others seem to have no idea, either. Except Phil. He sure as fuck knows she's in his History, Media and English classes. Meaning she's in my classes as well. Phil and I have almost all of our classes together, which I'm very thankful for. It makes it easier to struggle through this hell called school.

The canteen is becoming quieter again as the lunchtime is over. Most of the kids have one or two periods left, but we don't. Our final year is not as bad as the previous ones were.

I don't really pay attention to the others' conversation. I look up from my pie - still missing only one bite thanks to Chris - and see a face from the corner of my eye. There's a blond girl, standing by the door of the canteen. Her lips are bright red and eyes are blue, shimmering and staring right at me. She's got a small smile on her lips but she’s creeping me out nonetheless. I can't recall if I've ever seen her, but I have a feeling I have never. I have no idea why she's staring. Her expression is as if she's saying 'I know things about you that you don't even know yourself'. Or maybe I'm just paranoid.

"Danny!" Chris yells at me suddenly and I jump. He's standing right next to Peej and I can almost see their fingers weaved together. All four of them are looking at me, confused. "What's up?" Chris goes on. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"It's just the girl at the-" I start but never finish because looking back at where she was standing I find she's already left. "Ha-haven't you guys seen her?" I ask.

"Who?" Cat frowns, looking around.

"Blond, chubby, in a pink dress, staring creepily," I explain. The others just look at each other and shake their heads slowly. I feel like an idiot. "It-it doesn't matter, I'm sorry."

"Alright, if you're done with hallucinating girls, we could go," PJ nods towards the exit. I agree. Maybe I'm still not okay from what I just did for Cat. I don't want to think about what consequences it may have in the future. We stand up, but Cat stays where she was. "You too, new girl," Peej tells her, smiling a bit.

"Oh, I really don't want to be a burden," Cat pushes her glasses up on her nose. “You all have already been so kind to me,” she's glancing at me shyly and I can see her blushing.

"No, please, stay with us. You're not a burden," Phil tells her, smiling. He puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder and I don't understand why I feel protective suddenly. I know Phil's Kinsley 6 so I have no reason to feel jealous. He's just being the ray of sunshine he is. Cat, however, still seems anxious.

"Really, come with us. We're hanging out at our flat," I offer a smile, too, and her eyes light up. "It's just some video games and junk food, but it could be fun, you know," I shrug.

"Then- if you really mean it..." she says in a nonchalant tone but I see she really wants to come. Who could blame her? We're the coolest kids on the block, after all.


	2. You’re such a bottom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some explicit content in the end whoops

The flat is silent when we arrive home, meaning Phil's parents are not home. His brother is in college so it's only the five of us at home.

"Go and fire up the Xbox, we grab the food," Chris reassures me and he and PJ gallop in the kitchen. We walk up to our room in the attic.

Phil is not holding my hand. It's not like we always do that, mainly because his father thinks it ridiculous to do so at home. It just makes me a bit sad when we don't do it _on purpose._ I know why Phil doesn't want it right now, though.

We don't know if Cat knows about us. We usually don't care if people accept it or not but it's different with her. She's in our flat, it would be mean to make her uncomfortable. Even if she doesn't look bigot, you can never know.

Cat and I throw ourselves down on our bed while Phil turns on the Xbox and I realise the fact we don't have two beds could be a bit telling. However, she doesn't ask.

"What should we play?" Phil asks, handing Cat a controller.

"Do you have Mario Kart?" she asks after a moment. Phil and I share a look and she sees it. "You don't like it, do you?"

"Oh, we do," Phil answers with a chuckle. He grabs his own controller and finding the game he selects Start. He sits down next to me, but keeps a distance. I pretend I didn't realize it.

"Phil is basically the worst loser ever," I explain, laughing. "He becomes a roaring lion and you just can't deal with him," I give him a lopsided smile and he grins.

"No, you're a liar. A fluffing liar," he shoves me in the arm playfully and I just chuckle. "Stop acting as if you were better. You always start calling me a cheater and throw a tantrum and roll on the floor and pretend you're dying," he laughs, thinking about all these things. "You're worse than me, Howell."

"And that's why you love me," I tell him victoriously. He rolls his eyes and leans over, planting a small kiss on my lips. Only when he pulls away, he seems to recognize that Cat is in the room.

"I- I'm sorry, if it bothers you, we can-" he mutters and reddens to the tip of his ears.

"No, it's cool," she says with a small smile, but looks down in her lap. She's a bit flustered, too. "You two are actually really cute together."

We just sit in silence for some moments. So she doesn't mind. This makes a lot of things much easier.

"Lady and gentlemen," PJ chimes in, entering the door with a bowl of popcorn and another filled with nachos. Chris follows him, balancing a smaller bowl of cheese sauce, five cups and a huge Coke in his hands. "Bon Appetite," PJ bows theatrically, handing the bowl over.

"Eat," Chris tosses the cheese at Phil who takes it with a laugh. I know he and Cat also sees what I see but neither of us says a thing. Chris has a pretty blush on his cheeks and his lips are swollen. Peej's hair is ruffled and he keeps straightening his shirt. But I'm no Sherlock Holmes, you know, but I'm quite sure that won't help him straighten _himself_.

oOo

"So what do you think about Cat?" I ask Phil casually. We're standing by the school building, at the wall facing the yard. The first class starts in half an hour so nobody is around yet. We're waiting for the other half of the Fantastic Foursome. I'm leaning against the bricks, my fingers hooked in the pockets of Phil's jeans. He's leaning on his hands against the wall, standing in front of me. We've been making out for minutes; this is the only time we can do this at school.

"She's sweet. I would have never guessed she's so good at Mario Kart," he chuckles. Cat won almost all the races. Phil could beat her only once because I distracted Cat with dancing in front of her. "And you?" Phil looks at me with his gorgeous eyes. I don’t want to lie to him but the truth may not be something he wants to hear.

"I think she’s funny,” I say, which is true. As she felt more and more comfortable in our company, she opened up and it turned out she was just like us. Crazy but in a good way. “So… she’s going to hang out with us from now on?” I ask Phil and my voice comes out a bit bitterer than I want it to.

“Don’t you like her?” Phil asks, frowning.

“It’s not like that,” I shrug. “She really is kind and I’m sure she’d fit in. I wouldn’t tell her not to hang out with us,” I assure him. I know it too well what it feels like, being on your own against the world every day.

Phil leans in, kissing me slowly. His lips are soft and warm, feeling as good as always. He’s gentle and I know what he wants to say with this kiss. He understands.

“Don’t be afraid, bear,” he whispers to me, pushing his forehead against mine. I look at him in the eye and I know I would believe anything he says an that moment. “Everything will be fine. It’s about your birthday, isn’t it? I know you hate changes but I promise you. It will all be fine.”

“I know,” I bury my face in the crook of his neck. I just stop myself from asking how he knows it’ll be fine. He snakes his hands around my neck and I hug his waist in response. “I know.”

Moments like this, when Phil handles small flashes of my existential crisis as if it was nothing, as if it was totally normal for a 17-year-old to be scared of his own existence – these are the moments I feel I fall for him again and again.

“Come on, darling,” Phil murmurs in my ear and slowly pulls away. He caresses my cheek and smiles at me fondly. “It’s time to go.”

“Right,” I nod and walk with him. I want to take his hand but I know I can’t, so I just put my hands in my pockets and try to look slightly happy. We silently go around the corner of the school. I instantly see Chris and PJ standing by Peej’s car in the parking lot, laughing at something. I realise they look like a pair already.

Cat is with them, too. She’s smiling and she looks really pretty. Happiness suits her. She’s the first of the three to see us and she waves joyfully. I find I wave back promptly. I sense Phil glancing at me and keeping back a smile. I believe him. It’ll all be alright.

oOo

“This is awful,” I groan, letting my head fall on the desk in front of me. My brain feels like jelly and I want to throw the monitor out of the window.

“No, it’s not,” Phil tells me in a tone which was supposed to be sympathetic but I can hear him grinning. “Hey, start it over, okay? It won’t edit itself,” he tells me in his teacher tone. “I’ll help,” he adds and I eventually decide to straighten up again.

We’re in the school library. I got a D in Media class previously that day because I can’t edit a bloody video. The teacher let me do it again because he likes me for some unknown reason, and it feels more like a punishment than a second chance. When Phil started joking about my grade – “If you don’t practice editing, this won’t be last D you got,” – I didn’t think he meant tutoring me in video editing. I had a lot of other things in mind.

He’s speaking but I don’t pay attention. I just try to keep myself from jumping him. He has his glasses on and his hair is a bit ruffled above his ear. He keeps licking his lips as he talks, and his Adam’s apple is bobbing every so often. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to take it.

“So here you take this scene and if you want it to slide more slowly, you just-“

“Oh, honey, you know I don’t like it when thing slide slowly,” I tease. He glances at me instantly, eyes widening in horror.

“Shush, Dan, oh my god,” Phil turns a rather pretty shade of pink and looks around, hoping nobody heard it. There’s no chance, though. The computer section is in the far end of the library, covered by several shelves. It’s almost always empty, because kids have a computer at home so they don’t use these. We decided to use them because the ancient programs the teacher wants us to use don’t run on our own.

“You’re so cute when you blush,” I tell him lowly. He stares at the screen, trying to ignore me. “You know what I want to do to you?” I go further.

“Stop,” I hear his annoyed whine and I just grin.

“Oh, come on, there’s nobody in here,” I speak and put a hand on his thigh. “I want to touch you, Philly, what do you say?” I start petting his thigh in his black skinnies.

“You doofus,” he tells me but his lopsided smile gives him away. I giggle quietly.

“What an amazing dirty talker we have here.”

“Shut up,” he tells me and suddenly leans over kissing my neck. I almost moan loudly in surprise. He feels me tensing under his lips. “What’s that? You’re not the only one who knows how to do it.”

“Oh really?” I ask cheekily and put my hand directly between his legs. He keeps on kissing my neck, licking and biting a bit as he does and I bite my lower lip to prevent myself from giving sounds. I palm him through his jeans and feel myself grow hard along with him.

“The cat got your tongue, Danny?” he asks between two kisses and he starts sucking on the flesh. I can’t help it, let out a small whimper. He chuckles against my neck so I unbutton his skinnies and put my hand down in his boxers. He moans quietly and I take the opportunity to guide his lips to mine. The kiss is playful and Phil puts his hand in my pants, too.

“Ah, Phil,” I moan into his mouth and he just starts pumping me. His hand is cold to my flesh and I try to keep up with him. We jerk each other rhythmically and the kiss becomes more and more heated. My heart is beating fast and I feel I’m close. I know Phil is, too, because his other hand tangles in my hair and he pulls a bit. I moan again, and he just nuzzles closer.

“Come,” is all he says and his voice is so rough and hot that it’s all it takes. I come in his hand, the tension leaving my body. I don’t stop pleasuring him and in some moments he follows me. His face is pure with desire and I just can’t get enough of it.

I take a tissue out of my pocket I clean myself and then him. The aftermath is slowly wearing off and I start to realise the world around us. Phil, however, looks very pleased with himself.

“What?” I ask, throwing the tissue in the bin in the corner from where I’m sitting.

“You’re such a bottom,” he teases and I shove him in the arm a bit. Even though I _am_ a bottom, I won’t let him use this to his advantage.

“But you can’t resist me,” I pout at him. He just chuckles at it.

“I hope you know you still have to edit this before we go home.”

“Yeah, sure,” I grimace but take the mouse and click on the video again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to read your oppinion darling so leave a comment or something :33


	3. Drama nerds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Fair Lady is everything and nothing hurts.

"Christopher, would you be so kind and clean the board for me?" the Chemistry teacher asks and I turn to my right to see a very annoyed Chris, two desk away from me. He tries to cover up his unamused expression, though. He's very bad at it but I'm sure the Mrs. Chief can't recognise it. She must have a thing for Chris because she always calls him to the board, even if it's such a small thing as cleaning it. I'd not have the heart to tell her they're not meant to be. Not only because she is his teacher but because there's like a 50 years age-gap between them. She's still adorable.

Phil, PJ and I just grin as Chris stands up and walks to the board. The class doesn't really pays attention as the teacher watches him walking between the desks and smiles. She fixes her blouse and pushes her glasses up on her nose to observe him better. Chris, with a smirk, grabs the sponge and wipes the board with wide movements to be over with it sooner.

"Such a helpful little boy," Mrs. Chief muses and I cover my mouth to stop myself from laughing loudly. PJ actually snorts and I know Chris heard it because his shoulders tense. He's just totally elsewhere in his head, I can see it. The teacher is standing next to her desk, smiling dreamily as he marches back to his desk. Chris avoids looking at us and for a moment I feel a bit bad for him.

Then, however, the bell rings and the class is over so I don't really have time for feeling sorry for him. I get up and toss my book in my bag. I've not done anything constructive during the whole lesson as usual. I was too preoccupied watching my boyfriend who was sitting in front of me. I was drawing invisible shapes on the back of his neck with the end of my pencil. I have no idea why but he loves it. And I just like it when he turns halfway towards me and smiles occasionally at me.

I'm so damn whipped.

"Hey, Dan, you have a moment?" Chris asks as we step out of the classroom. He still doesn't really look at Phil and PJ, just me. It's the four of us as always so when he talks like this in front of us we all know it's something serious.

"Okay, our next class is Advanced Media anyway so... I'll see you," Phil runs a hand along my arm as a form of saying goodbye. I just wink at him and he chuckles as he and PJ leave.

"So what's up?" I ask Chris, semi-worried. He watches as the other two walk away and when they're far enough, he looks back at me. He opens his mouth as if he wanted to speak but then closes it again. "What, is it about Chief?" I grin at him but of course know it's not.

"No, shut up," he waves it off and starts walking towards our next class. Advanced Literature. Oh yeah.

"But really, what's the matter?" I ask in a serious tone now. I know something really bothers him and I want to know what it is and how I could help.

"It's just... I mean I never really meant it to happen and definitely not like this but it just did and I'm an idiot and you know the feeling when you think you're in charge of the things happening around you and then it just goes like BAM and you're totally lost and I have no idea what to do now-" Chris babbles around, making his way in the school crowd faster and faster so I just have to put a hand on his shoulder and back him against a wall.

"Hey, okay, now calm the heck down and tell me what the fuck you're babbling about," I look at him in the eye. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

"PJandImadeoutinyourkitchenonTuesday."

I'm waiting for something to follow this but there's nothing.

"Well tell me something I don't know," I chuckle. His eyes fly open and his cheeks turn pink.

"How do you know it?" he asks in a small voice.

"You think I don't recognise how a boy looks like after being mercilessly kissed for minutes?" I grin at him.

"Oh my gosh, stop," he groans, covering his cheeks and eyes.

"You are seriously adorable," I tell him. "So okay, you made out, then what?"

" _Then what_?!" he asks as if he can't believe what I've just asked.

"I mean, you've been joking about it for like ever so I assume you two are together now?"

"No," he looks at me with a horrified expression. " _Joking_ , yes, I never actually thought it would happen!"

"So that means you don't like him that way?" I try again.

"Of course I do! Have you met him? I mean it's just impossible to not have a thing for him. I bet you think he's gorgeous, too," he looks at me with an expecting grimace.

"I have a boyfriend, okay?" I put up my hands with a smile. "He _is_  quite special, though. So you have a thing for him and if he kissed back then he must feel something as well," I draw the conclusion. "I don't see your problem."

"My problem is that I have no idea how you fucking relationship!" he throws his hands in the air. "I've been thinking about this for two days constantly, okay? And every time I feel like I'm finally ready to man up and ask him out properly, all that pop in my head are his eyes and smile and tongue and gorgeous _hair_ and man, my stomach tightens and I thought that was only possible in movies!" he takes a breath and looks at me desperately. "Is it how it always feels like?"

"When did you become so cheesy? Gosh," I grin at him, shaking my head. I'd say it's pathetic but I know exactly what it feels like, being a chicken and stopping yourself from doing the right thing. I’d been there, for months.

"Stop joking, it's not bloody funny," he tells me with a pout.

“Alright, Romeo, we’ll come up with something, okay?” I ask and he just nods with a huff. The bell rings again and we walk towards the classroom. The hallway is filled with people so I don’t really pay attention to who we pass by. I only see the flash of a pink glittery dress from the corner of my eye but my mind shuts it out as soon as it happens.

I’m thinking about my birthday now. I’m very interested in how it will turn out with such things happening in the meantime.

oOo

“Hey, darling?” Phil touches my hand as we’re walking side by side on the corridor. It’s the break before our last lesson and we’re just wandering around in the school. I’m not in the best mood.

“Hmm?” I huff and I know it comes out unfriendly. It’s not Phil’s fault, I don’t want to talk.

The head teacher announced that he wants to meet the parents of certain pupils because of the applications to university. I usually don’t mind if it’s about parents or their tasks, I’m going to be 18 in just two days, I’ll be able to deal with paperwork and documents alone, just not yet. This topic is always a bit risky around my birthday, though.

“My mom will come in and deal with your things as well, you don’t have to worry about it, okay?” Phil asks, trying to slowly approach the problem.

“I know, I don’t worry about that,” I tell him, giving him a small smile as we keep on walking.

“Then tell me what bothers you?” he asks me quietly. I sigh and nod towards the windowsill. We sit up there, not giving a damn about the teachers’ disapproving looks who pass us by. We’re so close that I want to cuddle him. I know I can’t, though.

“I feel like this parent thing comes up all the time in the past few days and…” I shrug. “I know I should be ‘over it’ and ‘stop whining’ and-“

“Who said that?” Phil asks, turning to look at me in the eye.

“I heard Miranda and Jenna talking about it behind my back on Advanced Lit,” I tell him. “It doesn’t matter anyway, I couldn’t care less about what they have to say.”

“Those girls are just so mean and cruel,” Phil shakes his head. ‘Bitches’ would have been a more appropriate word but I know such things can’t come out of his mouth. “You have the right to feel sad about it, Dan. It doesn’t matter how long ago it happened. You shouldn’t feel weak for being sad.”

“I know it,” I reply and snuggle closer to him.

“Even though I don’t want you to feel sad,” he adds. “So if I can cheer you up…”

“No, it’s okay,” I nod with a smile. I just love him a lot. “Well, okay, you could but school is not the best environment for that.”

“Shush,” he playfully punches me in the arm and giggle. I chuckle with him.

He always knows what to say. I usually don’t feel sad about these things, I know I couldn’t change anything if I tried, so I just accept it. I didn’t know them anyway. It’s not like I could actually remember them. Sometimes it feels like a bliss. And other times I just can’t deal with the feeling of emptiness and jealousy, over the everyday things of others with their parents, their contact with them, just the fact that they have two adults they can count on if anything happens. I’m not saying I’m not grateful for Phil’s parents and that they took me in as soon as I was alone. I’m just saying it’s not the same. It never will be.

In the corridor, a few people are making their ways towards the classrooms. Not much, so I can see their faces actually. I don’t really know them, I just recognise a few of them from class or other activities like drama. And then a familiar yet totally different girl walks us by, in her pink dress and blond ponytail.

“Hey!” I call out for her. She’s a few feet away from us, she just turns to face us and winks at me. She grins as well, the space between her fronts teeth makes her look like a little girl. She turns around and walks farther. “Hey, you, ponytail!” I yell again, hopping down from the sill.

“Dan?” Phil puts a hand on my arm and comes down from the window as well. “Who did you see?”

I don’t answer just try to get to her. However, as I want to push people away from the way they seem to double in front of me. I push with hands, elbows, even with my face but it feels like running on sand. When I actually make it to the end of the corridor, there’s nothing there. Just the glass door to the back of the school. Nothing outside but the cloudy weather of London and the basketball pitch.

“Darling, what did just happen?” Phil struggles through the crowd as well and stands next to me. His hair is ruffled and he pants a bit.

“She- she was just right here-“ I mumble but it sounds like a madman’s thing to say to even myself.

“But who?”

“I have no idea.”

And the answer is the total truth. I don’t know the girl. I haven’t got the faintest idea about who she can be or why she always smiles at me. It’s just the odd feeling that she might be someone important in my life. Don’t ask me about details because I haven’t even seen her once the first four years in the school.

“We should go to class, babe,” I tell Phil but it’s just a reflex. It seems to be the right thing to say. I know he’s glaring at me as if I had just told him I was a vampire but my mind is somewhere else. In my head I’m trying to imagine who the mysterious blondie can be. With not too much success, I have to say.

oOo

“Okay, now comes Eliza’s ‘Just you wait ‘enry ‘iggins’ scene. Dan, I really don’t want to take this again because your mind is wandering somewhere in your bedroom, alright?” the teacher, Mr. Carter calls in his usual know-it-all tone. I could say I don’t like it but he wouldn’t be the same without it. “Ingrid, take your place by his side, Julien, stand by the couch. From the line ‘Say your vowels’. Action!”

I love Drama. There’s not too much to say about it. I just adore everything in connection with the stage and the theatre. Phil likes to call me his ‘one and only Drama nerd’. I pretend to be annoyed by it but secretly I’m proud of it.

I’m just a totally new person when I’m on stage. The introverted asocial awkward dork I usually am becomes a confident exhibitionist who actually has some talent. Or so they say. I know I have a lot to learn yet but I’m willing to so it’s not a problem.

“Say your vowels,” I call, sitting down in my armchair. I lean back and put my fingers against each other in a Sherlock kind of way. My transformation from Dan to Higgins is complete.

“I know my vowels. I knew ‘em before I come,” Ingrid replies, with such a peasant-like pronunciation that I promptly feel like a shitty actor myself. She’s not even Ingrid anymore. She’s Eliza Doolittle herself.

“If you know them, say them,” I look at her with a challenging expression.

“A, e, i, o, u,” Eliza chants.

“Stop!” I stand up from my seat and step in front of her. “‘A’, ‘e’, ‘i’, ‘o’, ‘u’!” I articulate clearly.

“That’s what I said: a, e, i, o, u. That’s what I’ve been saying for three days and I won’t say ‘em no more!” Eliza complains loudly.

“I know it’s difficult, Miss Doolittle, but try to understand,” Julien, sorry, Pickering stands behind Eliza and puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“It’s no use explaining, Pickering,” I wave him off. “As a military man, you ought to know that. Drilling is what she needs,” I point a threatening finger at Eliza. “Now you leave her alone or she’ll be turning to you for sympathy.”

“Very well, if you insist,” Pickering looks at me with a cold face and I again realize how much better they actually are. Julien turns around and walks towards the exit. “But have a little patience with her, Higgins,” he yells over his shoulder and I grimace.

“Of course,” I mumble then turn to Eliza. “Now say ‘a’.”

“You got ain’t no heart, you ain’t!” she looks at me and whines, pulling the non-existent word's first vowel into a whole another sound.

“‘A’,” I correct her.

“A,” she spits it at me.

“‘A’,” I repeat and I start walking towards the exit, too.

“A!” Eliza shouts back, brave now that I’m farther away. I pause and turn around, looking at her in the eye.

“Eliza, I promise you, you’ll say your vowels correctly before this day is out or there’ll be no lunch, no dinner, no chocolate!” I speak every word clearly then just walk off, leaving Eliza alone on the stage.

Music starts and she is singing already. “Just you wait, ‘enry ‘iggins, just you wait!”

I realise again that I’ve been on stage as if it was real life. I couldn’t sense the people sitting in the rows, I didn’t see the reflectors; I only saw Eliza and Pickering and occasionally myself on the reflection on some of the glass cupboards of the scene. I was Higgins. With or without costumes, after Mr. Carter says ‘Action!’, we are all our characters. No exceptions.

I just really love Drama.

Behind the curtains, I stand with Julien and some others from the play; Jack and Finn Harries, Tyler Oakley and Jim Chapman. Tyler plays Freddie this year so we had a lot of rehearsals together. He might seem a cute little nerd at first sight, but I’ve had him laughing like a maniac on some weird shit from tumblr. Jim plays Mr. Doolittle and the twins are his sons. I like our little group of kids. We might be a bit strange, but we really fit together.

The only problem is the hierarchy of the school. The Drama club has always been on the bottom of it, alongside with the nerds and geeks and LGBTQ kids. See why I’m not the most popular?

I still got it a lot better than others. Jim is always mocked for being so tall, Marcus sometimes gets beaten up and Tyler has bought two new pairs of glasses since the year began because they broke them. The twins are basically just isolated, but there are two of them so it’s not that bad right? Ingrid, Hannah and Lily are okay most of the time, I think. At least I don’t hear them complaining. Julien is constantly ridiculed for having a crush on Jenna Marbles. Poor guy has no chance. If you get classified as a ‘Drama kid’, you have minimal or no chance at all to get rid of your label.

Not like I care what they say about me. I love being a Drama nerd and they won’t make me believe there’s anything wrong with doing what you love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guuuuys i'm so sorry i haven't updated in 3718161 years, i have never found the time or the feeling but here it is now :33  
> I also want to wish you all a veryvery happy new year ^^  
> Please stay tuned, the story is about to get more and more exciting:D  
> Any theories yet? :3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and i really hope you liked it so far ^^ drop a comment if you'd like :3
> 
> Also, i have no beta and i have no idea where i could find one, so if you'd like to be the beta of this story, just leave a comment below (: Thank you ^3^  
> 


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